Dont turn your back on a Gamer

“You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I’m an easy target. Yeah, you’re right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you… but I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I’m not changing. I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. ‘Cause I’m the real article. What you see is what you get.”

You know I never understood the stereotypical views of a ‘NERD’, You see them in 80′s American movies. Being ‘beaten up’ by the so called tough jock. Although it did look like the jock had eyes for his fellow bully. I mean who ever thought that any geezer with glasses, a slight hunch and a maybe too ‘jazy’ style of clothing. Is the right image for anyone who has a higher developed brain then the usual 7 midget chavs, who like to hang outside the local chippy. Burger king here they come.

You know being a nerd is actually harder then it looks. We gotta be ADDICTS, and I don’t mean “YAY I stayed up till half 11 and got a nuke on COD!” like all the usual noobs the public schools are loaded with. We have a well thought out schedule. Take the Gamer Nerd Existence for instance.

To be a Gamer Nerd in my eyes Requires:

  • The determination to wake up at 3.pm for gaming squats(get the blood going). That’s your exercise, you have to make sure you have no more than that.
  • Lack of personal hygiene is a common one, if your face has enough grease to fry up some chips then your good.
  • You gotta stay up the night before a convention, thinking of what t-shirt your gonna wear. If you get to a point where you cant decided, your nervous system is shutting down and your having a Brain Aneurysm. Contemplating burning your entire wardrobe of gaming clothing, as well as putting horse heads in peoples beds..Then your at just the right amount of mental stableness.
  • You gotta learn the industry, the history of gaming. If you don’t know what a Atari 2600 is, Slap yourself in the face right now. No with your right hand, properly. No, no, no, NO. Come on, do it properly with the back of the right hand. See, look at your face. One proper slap and your back in your school days.
  • Another part of a gamer, (which isn’t compulsory) is its alright to be retarded. I’m talking between a little tweaked in the head, making wise cracks under your breather. All the way to wearing a leather helmet to bed, and putting corks on the end of all your cutlery so you don’t hurt yourself again. You know, all three major kinds of retardation. This allows you to tolerate lots of abuse. Seriously when your mind has fizzled away, banter comes easy and your can take insult after insult with giggling fits.
  • Take pride in your faction, fan boys unite and all that. Everyone’s got a favourite; console, gaming franchise, erotic site for private time. Your job is to stay loyal and respectful to your chosen faction. As well as insult and degrade your opposing factions until your scar them mentally. If your able to make a Wii fan boy insane, until the point where you find him in Sainsbury’s cheese isle shouting at the brie. Then you should be proud enough to strut down the street, Saturday night fever style.
  • Ever heard of ‘Ted Kaczynski’. He was as an intellectual child prodigy, he excelled academically from an early age. Was accepted into Harvard University at the age of 16, where he earned an undergraduate degree and later earned a PhD in mathematics from the University of Michigan. Also known as the Unabomber, was involved in the mail bombing spree in 78 to 95. Now he didn’t have an Xbox, PS3 or even a Nes to relieve his stress. If he did we wouldn’t know him. Think of every gamer as a ticking time bomb, you take away the game you better run. Because if you witness a gamer going crazy after they’ve had a bad game, imagine if one of them is a child prodigy with knowledge of explosives.

So, to recap, Gamer Nerds are not to be funked with. They’res so tense and highly stung that if you stick a piece of coal up there ass, in two weeks you’d have a diamond. Although apart from this there easily amused, immature dense dopes. There all snowflakes, each one is unique. Now I’m not saying that you wont get one or two, that fit the stereotype to perfection now and then. But the other 98% look like your average Joe, the nerdiness just comes through there personality. So can we stop with the silly stereotypes of 80’s movie nerd, and start seeing nerds properly as the sloth like dopes who are poor due to addiction. Oh and if anything does happen, try to retard their anger level by distracting them. Maybe try throwing them a piece of bubble wrap or something.

VIVA LA GAMING REVOLUCION!