When creating a video game, character design is very important. It’s what separates Solid Snake from the Earth Defense Force chumps. Sometimes, however, a character isn’t intended to make the player freeze in awe; sometimes, it’s to make us cringe. Whether it be out of fear, out of disgust, or out of agony, they usually have one thing in common: they are pretty ugly. These are our picks for the top 5 ugliest bosses of all time.
5. Mr. Big (NARC)
NARC, the quarter-munching arcade game from 1988, is a very simple game. As a NARC, you show by example that dealing, using, or even thinking about drugs astronomically raises your chances of becoming a blood splatter. It also effectively demonstrates that you can’t be a fat cat drug dealer without a few Deus Ex upgrades. When you reach Mr. Big, you’re under the assumption that he’ll look like Kingpin with a mustache, and without Spider-Man punching him in the mouth. What you’re greeted with is the melted head of the villain from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? attached to a Roomba. His early attacks are just as frightening as that description may suggest: he fires lasers from his eyes, charges at you, and haunts you with his terrible smile. After his skin explodes, his FREAKING SKULL lunges at you, spitting out tongues. If you can manage to destroy his second and final form, a few cockroaches climb out, suggesting that either he was so despicably, disgustingly ugly that roaches were born from his skull, or he was a villain from The Powerpuff Girls.
4. Nemesis (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis)
Resident Evil fans will recognize this face as the main adversary of Resident Evil 3. Others may have trouble finding his face. Sure, he has a mouth, and maybe that counts for an eye, but this guy needs more than a little blush to be presentable. A fresh layer of skin wouldn’t be a bad place to start. Perhaps those tubes (or are they intestines?) could be taken off of his neck. Next, we can fill in that other eye, give him some lips, and find a place willing to fit tuxedos for Bio-Weapons. Forget it, just give him a bath and he might look less like almost everyone from The Mummy by the end. Brendan Frasier isn’t setting the bar too high, is it?
3. Andross (Star Fox 64)
I mean it in the nicest possible way when I say that Andross is a giant, disgusting Space Monkey Head. He’s also responsible for pretty much anything bad that ever happens, including the death of Fox McCloud’s dad. That’s why he was exiled, and maybe why he smells so bad (presumably). He’s also got an appetite for spaceships; several times throughout the battle, Andross will attempt to eat you. If you manage to destroy him, he takes inspiration from Mr. Big and transforms into a Terminator Giant Space Monkey. As awesome as that sounds, it’s pretty terrifying the first time you face (no pun intended) him. If you manage to take the hard route through the game, he turns into a giant brain. By the way, Fox refers to Brain Andross as his “true form,” which implies that Andross belongs to a race of gigantic floating brains. The reproductive cycle of the Space Brain is truly a confusing and hilarious miracle of nature.
2. Clotho (God of War 2)
This one almost didn’t make the list, and for one reason: Clotho is pretty much a giant breast. A sickly green breast with tentacles and more breasts. She’s also bald and has, let’s say, a “heavy step.” But her battle is a really cool multi-part fight that ends with her head impaled on a giant blade. Clotho is one of the sisters of time, and the final sister you mutilate in God of War 2. Still, when you look like a gangrenous John Goodman, a swarm of shrimp, and a dead tree all at the same time, you deserve a spot on the ugliest video game bosses of all time. But even the most grotesque creature Sony Santa Monica has ever created can’t compete with our number one.
1. Xeno (OverBlood 2)
OverBlood 2 is a pretty obscure game. It never released in the United States, sold less than 67,000 copies, and released at the end of the PlayStation’s lifecycle. Still, the franchise had found a cult following in recent years. They don’t quite fit under the moniker of “so bad it’s good,” so much as they do “so bad you can’t look away.” The final boss of the second (and currently final) game in the series is a doctor who is trying to create a master race of humans called overbloods. He injects himself with a virus, mutating himself into a creature capable of defeating you. By the way, I know what you’re thinking, and this game came out long before Resident Evil 5. The best way to describe Xeno (is that even his name?) is The Great Mighty Poo from Conker’s Bad Fur Day trying mimic Knuckles the Echidna. I can’t do justice to the amount of decent ideas poorly executed in OverBlood 2’s finale, so please watch the video below to get the full picture (pun intended).
So, there you have it. Five of the most gut-wrenchingly ugly video game bosses ever. Everyone has their own favorite, and there were several that could have made the list. Honorable mentions include: Pigsy (Manhunt), the Nihilanth (Half-Life), Barinade (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time), and Princess Mara (World of Warcraft). Did your favorites make the list? Did we get it right? Leave a comment below, and let us know who you would hate to meet in a dark alley. Or even in a brightly lit room.